Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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