i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
