well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
