meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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