didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Fuck appropriateness.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
