im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
