Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
ugly people sure do ruin things
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Your cock deserves a montage
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I touched a dick in church today
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