Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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