i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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