So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
