So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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