tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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