everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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