I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
