I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
