Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
