I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
