can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I think your dad took our porno
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
