I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Ketchup is God's man juice
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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