The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize