i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
