There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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