i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
