he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
