so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize