38 yer olds are good kisserssss
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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