i always forget guys have bellybuttons
we're making bets on your personal life
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize