woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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