he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Be still, my beating vagina.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
