you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
