paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
