i need an iv and a liver transplant
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
