I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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