It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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