we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
