so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Drunk is a universal language darling
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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