In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
