I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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