Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
