Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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