My first STD was from a foam party
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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