this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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