why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
