my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
