I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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