is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
