So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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