I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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