Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
