she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
birth control should be required to get into college
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I think weed is turning my hair brown
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
