Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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