it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
