Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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