Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
