wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
