sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
