She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
