In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
