I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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