I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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