I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
