I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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