She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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