I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
