I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
