i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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