We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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