she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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