When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize