I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
