You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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