I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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