She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
