How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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