Umm I'm too high to move.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
