i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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