Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
not ubering you a puppy
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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