Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
