I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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